October 31, 2015

Memoirs: If I Lose Myself I Lose it All

If 2015 has taught me anything it is that I really enjoy my own company. Whilst others crave attention from friends, partners or family, I crave attention from myself. I find myself cancelling plans because I want to be alone. Does this make me a bad person? I’m not sure. There are very few around me who understand my desire to want to be alone. Yet on the flip-side, there have been some group situations this year where I’ve confessed that I spend way too much time alone. I find myself teetering the fine lines between extrovert and introvert once too often.

Am I an ambivert?

There have been instances this year where I’ve just been like f*ck this, I’m going to go on my own. I recently dined alone for the first time and it really changed my perspective of the social stigma of asking for a table for one. Being alone really gives you time to think and it really does change your perspective on things. As long as you can bear to be alone with your thoughts that is…

Writing this blog has even reminded me that I went to a Kings of Leon concert alone a few years back which has put a little smile on my face. Hindsight is a beautiful thing. Perhaps I somehow knew I was confident in my own skin back then and the last few years have just been me growing up and discovering that.

As I’ve written this post I’ve just come back from the cinema and surprise surprise I went alone. Sometimes you just can’t wait on people with their late responses or them trying to fit you into their schedule. I mean I 100% get it, we’re all busy, we all have routines or some kind of semblance of life. I just hate waiting around waiting for things to happen.

All about me

The only way I can continue on into 2016 is to make things happen for myself. Maybe it’s because I’m a planner, I crave routine and knowing what is ahead of me. Maybe it’s why I have taken it upon myself to spend so much time alone, to finally get to know myself, what I like and what I don’t like.

When that person (or people) you rely on for attention, affection or some form of comfort leaves (it happens at one stage in your life trust me), you will have yourself to rebuild the pieces. Nothing lasts forever, so make the most of the life you have here on this planet.

Making mistakes is part of the process

I will continue to try to achieve things I want to and if I make mistakes along the way, it’s okay. Cheesy as it may sound you really only regret the chances you didn’t take. Looking back that there is so much I wish I did differently, but it does not do well to dwell on such thoughts.

Learn from them and change your now if it really affects you.

Next year I have decided I’m going to go away alone. Time is your most valuable currency, use it wisely. Learning to be comfortable with yourself, try something new, ticking things off your mental bucket list. I am compiling a list of mini-milestones of things I want to do over the next few years. Once you break things down, it doesn’t seem so scary.


I think this post was inspired by the fact that I am currently on a break between Netflix shows, having just finished watched 131 episodes of Pretty Little Liars in under two weeks. Unhealthy, I know, but it was a nice little distraction as I’d been stuck in a rut for a few weeks as summer was coming to an end.

I dreaded turning 25 this year but after a few months I’ve definitely begun to embrace it. I know who I am, where I want to be and I can finally say I’m on the path to finding happy.

Char xo

Featured image sourced from Unsplash. 

32 responses to “Memoirs: If I Lose Myself I Lose it All”

  1. Tiffany May says:

    Love this post so much. I’m sure it hits hard for anyone in their 20’s.

    xo Tiffany | tiffanymay.org

  2. Tshegofatso says:

    I also enjoy spending time alone, it gives me time to think. I went to my first concert all by myself this year and it wasn’t bad at all!

    Sempiternal Adventures |

  3. […] I’ve visited the City of Light a few times in my life and every time I return home, I feel full of hope and love. The Shangri-La Hotel Paris is everything you could ask for in a Parisian adventure. Architecturally, it looks sublime, even has a swimming pool, but what makes me want to stay the most is the stunning views of the Eiffel tower. It must look so beautiful by day to walk out on your balcony and see this iconic landmark, but even more magical by night. I could imagine coming here for a trip with the girls or even on my own for some me time. […]

  4. […] knew my first day in New York I wanted to go exploring on my own so I opted for this instead of joining the other girls who were heading to Woodbury Common. As much […]

  5. […] sure there a plethora of sayings to add to this list). What is so wrong with being alone? I think I’m may be rare in saying that I really enjoy my own company and don’t mind venturing […]

  6. […] me feel like Beyoncé, then that is my choice. If I want to turn my phone off and just be on my own, then that is my choice too. What I’m getting is that society (ironically, we are society) […]

  7. […] those little likes roll in. (I also routinely delete my Instagram photos for some reason). But in my anti-social social media phase of 2015, I only post when I’m doing “stuff”, i.e when I’m on holiday […]

  8. […] Paris on her own really tugged at my heartstrings. It seems like the sort of place you can visit alone, as a couple or with your friends. I imagine myself just jumping on the Eurostar one weekend and […]

  9. […] posts dedicated to the quarter life crisis. I am glad I am not on my own in experiencing the QLC, but I am trying to do things to get out of it. This is a great post that summarises it. There are […]

  10. […] post but I thought the bare minimum mention of what they are should be enough. Perhaps I am being sceptical, having never tried any of these products myself, but there is really something fishy going on […]

  11. […] as I’m having somewhat of a solitary 2016, I knew I needed to start getting out there again and what better way than going to a blogger […]

  12. […] narrow Italian pavements, I was actually proud I’d made it so far without losing any limbs or myself in general. It was just such a good feeling to be away from all the stresses of London life – […]

  13. […] to the cinema to see Jason Bourne as I hadn’t been in a while and I longed for the taste of cinema popcorn (there’s something disgustingly enchanting about […]

  14. […] need of some ‘me’ time is a good way to practice self-care. SOLO Cinema Going to see films solo on a Friday night has been my favourite self-care activity as of late. I am no longer bothered […]

  15. […] opportunity to go. I am grateful that I am able to travel at the moment as I’ve pretty much sacrified moving out in able to do so. I guess there is one benefit of being ‘young, dumb and still […]

  16. […] in the media as this rough, hard neighbourhood, but seeing it with my own eyes really changed my perception of it. It was so interesting to learn about the Dutch influence and how it became home to so many […]

  17. […] interview made me question whether the show had been portraying Bruce slowly becoming withdrawn and unhappy. Particularly in season 9 when Bruce moved out of the family home in Calabasas. Nonetheless, when it […]

  18. […] bad. If you’re in one currently then good on you, but for those who aren’t all is not lost. Here is […]

  19. […] have gone to Italy for weekend. You know… new outfit, drinks, food, Uber home… probably losing something too. It all adds up, no matter how many drinks you buy before happy hour ends, reality hour sets in […]

  20. […] Tickle My France-y – OPI Nude nail colours sooth my soul, bring peace to my world and make everything harminious… even if it’s just for a little moment. It’s only in recent years I’ve been able to find the perfect nude for my skintone. I’m NC45 in Mac for reference and I always find that the nude colours are for fairer skintones. Not that there is anything wrong with this, but us with deeper complexions and different undertones can’t really rock those nudes with as much ease. […]

  21. […] This links in with the silence and the anticipation, but I find solace in my solitude, especially in the morning. It’s the one time of day, I am alone and I don’t feel conscious about it. Having time for yourself is important. Enjoy your solitude. […]

  22. […] anyone feel like they were waiting what seemed like an eternity for the Anti album? At first when it came out, I wasn’t convinced, it didn’t […]

  23. […] off the coast of West Africa known for its Portuguese, African and Dutch influences. It has been dubbed the ‘African Caribbean’ with only 6 hours flying time from the UK, you can feel like […]

  24. […] in the morning, you have time to shower or at the very least put on some deodorant. The ideal personal space radius is already compromised on public transport, so having to inhale someone’s dank body odour at […]

  25. Musings: Home | Memoirs & Musings says:

    […] around me. For me, in London – the only thing really keeping me here is my friends and family. The world is bigger than Zone 1 to 6. Whenever I leave this city to go on holiday I’m […]

  26. […] of getting ready and bursts into a dance routine? But I can only guess that a hallway represents opportunity – walking away from something or walking towards it… I’m just gonna leave you […]

  27. […] around me. For me, in London – the only thing really keeping me here is my friends and family. The world is bigger than Zone 1 to 6. Whenever I leave this city to go on holiday I’m […]

  28. […] I learnt from travelling solo is how much I take myself for granted – sometimes I get complacent, bored and compare myself to how others are doing and get down […]

  29. […] as I’m having somewhat of a solitary 2016, I knew I needed to start getting out there again and what better way than going to a blogger […]

  30. […] Paris on her own really tugged at my heartstrings. It seems like the sort of place you can visit alone, as a couple or with your friends. I imagine myself just jumping on the Eurostar one weekend and […]

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

A Little Bit About Me

Welcome to my little space on the internet, known as Memoirs and Musings. I’m Char, short for Charlotte and my blog/website/diary is dedicated to documenting my Memoirs and Musings, hence the name. I wouldn’t say I was your ‘typical’ blogger either. I don’t care about getting the perfect flatlay or feeling bad for not posting, I just enjoy writing. If you’ve made it this far, thank you for reading. Anyway, I love to travel, indulge in a glass of white wine, when plans are cancelled and purchase overpriced make up.  I guess that’s me in a nutshell, trying to figure out this thing called life, have fun and never lose sight.